This is the story of the father of the second wife of my maternal grandfather’s uncle. 🙂 We called her “zan amou jaan” (means: dear wife of uncle!). Even to this day, I do not know her real name!

Anyways, her father was a very knowledgeable man, with lots of studies in religion and philosophy. This story also, dates back to 90 years ago. So, when I say a knowledgeable philosopher (somehow a clergy/philosopher), it should be put into context.

Anyways, the family was much respected and known as a noble family, and the father of the family was a reference for the people in the city.

One day this well respected Muslim man decided to convert to Baha’i. People of the city found out. When he went to the public bath (houses did not have a bath , people used to go to public hammams) people kicked him out and didn’t even let him put on his clothes. He was totally naked, humiliated and undignified. To save his life, he fled to Arak, another city of Iran,right away. I am not sure how people know that he fled to Arak, or if anyone heard from him again. I have just heard that he didn’t even get a chance to go home and say bye to his wife and his four daughters. I think he went to Arak because no one knew him. But well, I cannot be sure. All I know is through my mom, so, lots of details are lost. The point is, Baha’i people had a very hard time.

Even though his wife and daughters never converted to Baha’i, people didn’t like them anymore. Nobody married those poor girls. No one gave the wife a job. They survived, anyways.

My grandfather’s uncle, from the respectful and renown family of “Sheikholeslami”, had a wife with three rascal sons and a daughter. The three boys were extremely naughty, yet really kind and hospitable. Their mother died, when the eldest child, the girl, was a teenager. The father needed to get himself a second wife to take care of the four kids. He married “zan amou jaan”, the daughter of the Baha’i guy. I think she was barely older than the eldest child. She was a very kind woman, and took good care of the four kids. They all loved her. She and my grandpa’s uncle had one son and one daughter. They are all still alive up as of today, except for the uncle who died of brain tumor after a brain surgery when I was in third grade. The three rascal boys are now the wealthiest people in the family. So is the daughter. Her husband had a job in Shah’s court, I guess a low-level job in treasury inventory. I am not quite sure, but he got his wealth mainly from there. The three boys were sort of frauds, but they always had a gang with whom they worked. Their father didn’t leave them much and spent the wealth of “Sheikholeslami” family. The three boys were like king Midas, though. If they touched something, it turned into gold! The two elder brothers had a notary public, and their family made lots of money out of some illegal (sometimes harmless, sometimes harmful) things that they did. They were lazy students and always failed at school or bribed or threatened their teachers to pass their courses. They, however, had a great sense of risk and very strong interpersonal skills. They started from scratch and made themselves and their families a fortune. The third brother went to college and got a post diploma degree (two years of studies after high school graduation). He got a job in one of the factories, and he too, made his way into wealth and success.  I will write about examples of all they did, so that you get an idea of how they built their wealth. The son of “zan amou jan” also got involved in the business of the two older brothers, married, and has two daughters now. Those girls should be in their twenties now. The daughter of “zan amou jaan” got married to a very mediocre man. I clearly remember her wedding. I was 9 years old. I think she got married after his father died, and I cannot be sure why he got married to such a vulgar man. She was a elementary school/pre-school teacher. She was such a kind and nice woman, and tolerated all the bad habits of the guy. Now she has a rather good life. I am sure she has two sons, but can’t remember if she has a daughter too, or not.

I am not sure what happened to the other three daughters of the Baha’i guy. I guess they might have married at an old age, and not to ideal suitors.

Farther’s and mother’s sisters, as well as father’s and mother’s sisters-in-law are all called “aunt” in English.

In farsi, there are different words for each and every one of them: Khaleh for mother’s sister, Ammeh for father’s sister, zan ammou, for father’s sister-in-law, and zan daayi for mother’s sister-in-law.

My grandfather (my mother’s father) had three “khaleh”. This means that his grandmother “bibi jaan = dear lady” had four daughters. Bibi jaan married four times. The first husband was a very good, popular and wealthy man from “Golpayegan”. Bibi jaan had two daughters from this first marriage: At-har and Ashraf. At-har is my grandfather’s (my mother’s father) mother. At-har got married when his father was still alive, so, she got a husband from a noble and wealthy Golpayegani family, Mr. Mohammad Bagher Sheikholeslami. He was my grandfather’s (mother’s father) father.

Bibi jaan’s husband then died. She fell in love with a man, much younger than herself. This man was addicted to “taryak = Opium”. Bibi jaan started smoking opium, too. To get rid of Ashraf, then, Bibi Jaan made her marry to a poor bad-tempered farmer from around “Golpayegan”. This farmer had just half a nose. One side of his nose was damaged, just like a leper, even though he was not suffering from leprosy.

Bibi jan’s second husband left her. She got married to a third man, and had her third daughter, Aghdas, from this third husband. The third husband left (or died) as well. So, Bibi Jan got her third daughter married to the first suitor available, and got married for the fourth time. This fourth man was an “allameh” (can be somehow translated to a religiously open-minded and well-respected person, who has read many books, and knows some philosophy and science of his time). Bibi jan had her fourth daughter, Robabeh, with him. Robabeh went to schoold and got her diploma. She would have been around 90~100 if she was still alive.

Robabeh became a teacher. Aghdas was a keen smart woman, but was never educated. She hated the Ayatollah’s regime, and made some very strong arguments with everyone in defense of what she believed in despite the lack of education. She was a religious woman, though. Ashraf had a very difficult life. She worked hard, wove beautiful rugs, made yogurt and cheese and sold them to people to make some money. Her husband was useless and bad-tempered. Ashraf had four children: A’zam, Mostafa, and two other whose names I cannot remember. She was fed up with her husband, got the four kids, and left her husband. My grandfather (mom’s dad), loved his aunts. He got Ashraf a low-level cleaning job in the hospital. She, then moved to Qom from Golpayegan, and got a job in a hospital in Qom. She could save a little bit and move to Tehran. I clearly remember her house in Tehran.

Ashraf was smart and hard-working. She had a great memory. Once, when she was invited in my grandfather’s house, she gave us details of our family tree. According to this family tree my mom and my dad are both descendants of “Sheikh Baha’i”. If Ashraf was alive, she would have been around 110 years old.

At-har, who is my grandfather’s mother (my mother’s father’s mother) died at an early age. She died when my grandfather was around 6 years old. She died probably of appendicitis.

My grandfather had a sister, a couple of years younger than my grandpa. She died at a very young age. There is still a photo left from her. The story I have heard is, my grandfather’s parents decided to have a pilgrimage to Mashhad. They decide to leave their children behind. My grandfather was born on January 23rd, 1924. So, the story should date back to almost 80 years ago. The younger child, the girl, gets so uncomfortable and agitated, she died! I feel a bit skeptic about this story though. She should have had a more serious problem.

They were all living in Golpayegan. Sheikholeslami’s (my grandfather’s parents) were a renown and noble family there. Their ancestor was the “sheikhol’eslam” of the city, which was one of the highest social/religious ranks.

You are supposed to be born in February. We started a big renovation in the house on October 23rd. Renovation is supposed to be done on Tuesday, two days from today. We are all sure that some minor and small jobs around the house will still take another two or three weeks. For one thing, we do not have our furnitures yet!

Anyways, I am subscribed to a newsletter from a website called babycenter. In their latest one, there was something about nesting instinct! It seems that moms get a boost of energy before the baby comes, and try to make the house ready and comfortable for the baby.

Well, I am not sure if this huge renovation has anything to do with the nesting instinct. If it does my instincts are hillariously and extremely strong!!! I have been nesting for 7 weeks, and will keep on nesting for the next 6~8 weeks!!!!

The point is, your dad and I decided for this renovation, but others did it for us. Your dad took the main responsibility to supervise and organize everything. He, sure, is doing a great job. And…this was such an expensive nesting!!! I should really stop listening to my instincts!

We waited to get financially stable before you are born. So, you will hopefully not experience any financial difficulty.

Well, to be honest, my family was always rather wealthy, and your dad’s family was always above the average line of income. But each and every family has its financial ups and downs. Your dad and I had our financial ups and downs as well.

We came to Canada on January 22, 2002 with just $12000 US. At the time each US dollar was traded for 0.68 canadian dollars. Our parents had more to give us. We didn’t want to accept money from them, though. We were stubborn, or we wanted to get independant, or…Today, I can’t be sure why we didn’t ask for more. But that is what we chose. The point is, deep down in our hearts we knew that we would have support if everything fails, even though we did not have it in our minds to rely on that support. We wanted to stand on our own feet. 

We started off with $12000 US. We rented a basement in Richmond Hill for four months. I got my first job with Bell Canada on April 8th, 2002. The pay was rather decent, at $62500 annually. We moved to a rental apartment in Mississauga. It was on Bloor street. Well, to be accurate at 1055 Bloor Street (can’t remember if it was east or west!! I guess it was on Bloor Street East).

Your dad registered in Seneca college. He didn’t have enough self confidence to apply for a job, even though he was great. It was some time in early 2003 or late 2002 when I took him to a pizza store, and made him apply for a pizza delivery job. Well, he stayed in that job for 8 months. Now, when I look back, I have mixed feelings about what I did. My perception of that job was nothing like the perception I have today. Today, I sometimes feel really ashamed of myself. I feel guilty because of making him work as a delivery guy. On the other hand, I think may be that job helped him gain some confidence to apply for a professoinal job. Anyways, one night he came home and said that he didn’t want to stay in that job. He had an interesting reason. He said, the job had brought him down to pennies and loonies, type of the tips that people were paying him. At this time, he had already dropped out of college for Ryerson university. He was a brilliant student. He got a job as a Java developper. My friend Maryam gave your dad’s resume to the manager of a small-size company. The pay was not that great, but was definitely better than pizza delivery. He was paid almost $30,000 annually. We moved to a nice condo appartment at Yonge and Sheppard in 2005.

Your dad changed his job again after two years in 2005. He came home one day and told me that he had a very hard time with his boss. I told him that he had 3 months to get himself a new job. Again, I feel so guilty about putting him under so much pressure; yet, again, I sometimes think, may be this was what he needed to take himself serious and overcome his fears. (I will never ever do it again, and if I had a second chance to live again, I wouldn’t put him under pressure, no matter what). I am hoping he was strong enough to forgive me. Anyways, he got a better position with a higher pay in another company. His salary was $70,000 in this new job. We were being paid almost as much as one another.

In 2007, I was fed up with my managers at Bell. I changed to a new position at TELUS, with the same pay that I had at Bell. Soon, your dad changed to a new job, with a decent salary of $120,000. We had already bought a house. The same house that you will be raised in. We bought it for $478,500. We are as of this month (and before you are born) spending $100,000 for renovation and new furniture. We can afford it, hon. This is the sweetest part.

But this is not the end. From an annual income of 62500 in 2002 to an annual income of almost 250,000 in 2012, and we will be doing our best to keep the trend.

So, down the road in the future, if you face some financial hardship, just focus on your capabilities, focus on what you can do, and the skills that you can develop. You will be able to make it. Believe in yourself, your capabilities and your skills.

i have an idea for you, for your infancy and toddler years.

I am going to buy a piano, play English nursary rhymes and sing them to you daily. I am also planning to make the persian version of them so that you can relate your Iranian heritage to your Canadian/American identity.

In the meantime, you might get interested in music and start playing. 😀

It might also help you sleep better! I am sooooo much concerned after hearing horrible stories about babies sleeping behaviors!

There is something i would like you to know sooner or later. You might have realized it by now, but anyways…

Your father and I had the deepest love I have seen between a couple for one another. This very deep love didn’t happen overnight. We worked on it. We needed one another. We had extremely hard times. I was mentally and emotionally very unstable during my early twenties and late teenage years. Your father helped me, tolerated me, loved me. It all passed. Partly to save our marriage and partly for other reasons we immigrated to Canada. This was the best decision I have ever made up to this date.

Well, to be fair my mom helped us a lot. She believed in our love, and pursuaded my father and my grandparents. My family never asked for anything of financial value from your dad’s family. Again, to be fair, your dad’s family also went easy with some of their very strong beliefs that I didn’t accept at all. It was a big deal. We had very fundamental disagreements. But after all, it was the love between your dad and myself to make it all happen.

I am not sure who you will end up with. I even do not care about your sexual orientation, if you are a homosexual, or a straight person. But whoever it is, there are two very critical matters to remember: the two of you should respect one another, and the two of you should (really) care for one another.

And again, do not forget; love and happiness doesn’t happen over night. Both parties should work on it.

If I am born for another 100,000 times, I will marry your dad in all my future lives.

I am confused. I am registered on a website, and it tells me that today I entered week 29. Based on my doctors’ calculations though, I should enter week 29 on Wednesday. The two calculations are 3 days apart.

Today or on Wednesday, the funny thing about week 29 is, the baby may start dreaming!!! What does she/he dream about? I can’t be sure. And the baby can hear keenly.

There is another funny thing. Sometimes, once or twice a day, I feel something like a very tiny delicate vacuum with a diameter of almost 1 centimeter inside my tummy is sucking it in for a couple of seconds! is the baby sucking at my tummy? is she/he pinching inside my tummy, or…. only God knows!

You may not understand the feeling, I should say before I start my story. But well, read it.

I was at high school. It was in Iran. I was around 17 years old. For many many years music was frowned at in Iran. For many years cassette tapes were smuggled into the country, and we had to go to some black market people to purchase them. They used to be in specific places: Vali asr square, Vali asr street, 25 Shahrivar square, Mirdamad near Mohseni square,….

At the time, you couldn’t hear music on the streets or anywhere in public places. You may not understand how big of a deal this teeny tiny matter might be. I can tell you, it is a big deal.

Anyways, I was passing through “Park Kourosh” to get to our house. I usually got off a taxi in front of Park Kourosh on Shariati street, passed across the park to get home. There was a small place, like a big cabin, in the middle of the park. At the time it was a “cultural centre”. I don’t know how to explain it for you. Your dad might be able to explain better. Anyways, as I was passing I heard a very beautiful music with a male silky voice, singing. I felt in love with the song on the megaphone. I couldn’t resist going inside. I asked for the cassette tape. It was an approved tape (I will tell you what it means in the following paragraphs). It was one of the best Iranian singers I have ever known: Mohammad Nouri. It was his new album. Even at the time (early 90’s) he was a nice lovely old man. I purchased it.

I didn’t bring any of those cassettes to Canada with me. Soon cassettes were so outdated, and no-one kept cassette recorders. It was the era of CDs and DVDs. But now, I do not have those many CDs and DVDs. I go online to listen to music.

During pregnancy, I listened to his songs on YouTube many times. My favourites are “Jaan e Maryam” and “Chi misheh ghosseh maa ro yeh lahzeh tanhaa bezaareh”. Those songs date back to some good old golden days of Iran, before 1979.  Interestingly, I cannot remember which song was being played on that spring mild day in Park Kourosh. It doesn’t matter. It was a song, a beautiful one, sang by a kind man with a silky voice.

—-

Khomeini banned music after the Iranian revolution. But some time before he died, he, somehow removed the ban. He, however, said that music should be “islamic” and should not be a music of “ghanaa”. Ask your dad what “ghanaa” is, and he should be able to explain it to you. Anyways, the approval criteria was rather subjective. You could listen to it and consider it as “islamic”; I could have a different idea. Female voice had to be in the background, and mixed with male voices. Female solo singers couldn’t sing, except in ladies-only concerts, where there was no recorder (hence no cellphones, after cellphones became paradigm after late 90s)

This new comment from Khomeini opened the gate in around 1986-7, shortly before he died. The very first song that was approved was “ey saarebaan aahesteh raan kaaraam e jaanam miravad”. People fell in love with that song. Well, it was a long awaited song, and lyrics were made by “Saa’di” a renowned iranian poet of the 7th century hejri shams.

Interestingly and ironically enough, this song was played in memory of Khomeini after his funeral.

Nowadays, there are many approved songs in Iran. Sometimes you get surprised by the types of the songs that are being approved.

Some basement bands also formed in Iran. They are really good. Their musics are not approved, but because of the digital music era, they publish their musics online, or send them to specific satellite channels. I don’t listen to them much. I could never relate to them. But I don’t deny, they do a great job.

—-

Iranians love music, dancing and singing. Leave a bunch of them together, call it a small party or picnic, and the next thing you know, they start singing together, especially if one of them knows how to play a music instrument. 😀

—-

One of my candidate names for a girl was Nakisa. Nakisa is said to be a female Iranian court musician for “Sassanids” around 3000 years ago. She is mentioned to have composed the national anthem of the time.  She was a master harp player.

Your dad preferred the name Deeba for girls. So, Nakisa was eliminated from the list.

We were seriously thinking of getting a 3D ultrasound, get a DVD, some 3D photos, as well as a CD of the heartbeat of the baby.

We changed our mind.

I found an article on the web, dated 2007, which indicated 3D ultrasounds are a bit controversial. It might cause extra heat for the child.

My own doctor, who is really easygoing, said that I shouldn’t go for 3D ultrasound that often. So, knowing him, and knowing that he never said I should take extra cautions except for this one, we decided not go for 3D ultrasounds.

And…

One funny thing. I don’t know how things will be when you are reading these lines in almost 20 years (perhaps). But these days when I go for an ultrasound, they ask me not to use my iPad when I am lying on the bed. It interferes with their u/s signals and creates noise!

One of the most frustrating questions during pregnancy is when they ask you whether you feel the movements of the baby! They start asking this question as early as when you are in week 10 or 12!!! And, by they I mean the whole world (except of course your doctor, who knows that you perhaps shouldn’t).

Well, for me, I was so nervous I was not feeling anything. This was up until weeks 22, 23 when I started feeling something. And, it continues till now.

I was getting so nervous and concerned about not feeling anything, your dad got me one of those small instruments (don’t know what its name is) to listen to the heartbeat of the baby and make sure she/he is fine.

My mom was also ecstatic, asking me from time to time whether I felt anything, begging to be there when we listened to the heartbeat. Well, it all passed anyways. Now, the baby moves and I feel it. BUT, some of the days the baby moves much more, and some other days she/he is just quieter, keeping the movements at a minimum.

For me, these moves are the cutest things during pregnancy.

And…baby, if you grow up enough to read these lines, remember this, before the end of 5 months (week 22, 23) there should be no worries if the movements of a baby are not felt! This is especially for the first pregnancy, when moms still do not know how it should feel like.

Well, it is also said that during your second, third,…. pregnancies you feel the movements much earlier, as early as week 16. To be very honest, sometimes I felt something like butterflies in my stomach. But I could never tell if it was the baby, bowl movement, or just my imagination. I started feeling (imagining?!) them around weeks 18 and after. Some people say it feels like passing gas!!!

Anyways, passing gas or other, if I see a mom-to-be, I will tell her not to worry if she doesn’t feel (or imagine?) anything before weeks 22/23.