The following is our conversation this morning,as you were looking into my monitor, as I was doing the housework and watching Bloomberg news:

Deeba: Mommy, why are these stocks down?
Me: Because of the news. North Korea says they want to fight the United States.
Deeba: But United States will win. Because I am strong, and I am in the United States, so the United States is strong.
Me: So, you will fight?
Deeba: I will rip his belly.
Me: Actually, United States has the strongest army in the world.
Deeba: So, I will be safe in my cozy little apartment here.
—
Well, I think now you qualify for the job of press secretary in the White House! You know the language, and have the confidence!!!
And…
Rip his belly?!!! where did you learn this?!!!

In your music class they showed you how to hold a violin and play it. Your daddy recorded a short video and sent to me. That reminded me of my father. I cried a lot, and out of joy. Many of your interests and habits remind me of my dad. The main one, your obsession with water.

My father, your grandfather was a wonderful man, so honest, so caring, and with so much love for all human beings.

Sometimes I really wish he was still around. He passed away too soon. My mom’s life is much harder without him. I am sure my mom misses my dad a lot. I wish he lived long enough for you to get to know him, have his love, and learn from him. Well, he is really missed.

May his soul rest in peace.

You still cry in the morning, before going to preschool. You say that you miss me, and that is why you don’t want to go to school.

On Monday, I got really nervous and frustrated and yelled at you in the car. You couldn’t stop crying, and it got even worse. I just reminded to myself that you are just four and a half years old. I was immediately so mad at myself for what I did. I dropped you at school, and apologized for shouting.

I talked to your teacher at school, and she said that you might need more discipline at home, and less toys and treats.

I believe she had a point. For different reasons, I have given you toys and treats as a way of encouraging  you to do things. I guess we went a bit too far, and now you do things just because  you want a treat.

For example, I told you that you would have a prize after you finish level 2 swimming. You couldn’t finish level 2 swimming, and you started yelling at your teacher, and then at me.

So, I had a talk with you on Monday and told you that all kids go to school and all parents go to work. I told you that we cannot change anything about that, and I am really sorry that you get so upset in the mornings.

Now today, I had got you a couple of books, but you started screaming and said that you wanted toys.  I got the books and told you that I would return them. (I won’t. I will just leave them at your preschool for your teachers to read them to you). Then I told you that for a while you wouldn’t get any toys, and that you needed to enjoy the toys that you have already, and other activities. You had a very bad tantrum in the car and screamed and cried for half an hour! But after you ate your dinner at home and got full, you felt better. You hugged me, kissed me and apologized.

This melted my heart. I just love to get you toys every day. But from what I see, this is not good for you, unfortunately.

You are a doll, really adorable, and very smart.

You love to learn about space, stars and planets. You say that you want to become a scientist. In fact, you say that you are a scientist already.

On July 29th, we took you on Mount Hamilton to see stars. When we got to the observatory up there, they said that all tickets were sold out, and there were no tours available, and even if tickets were available, a child should be at least ten years old to look through the telescope.

I came back to you with the news, and told you that this place is for scientists and kids of ten years old or older. Your answer was: “they do not know that I am a scientist already.”

For the second time, you went to watch a movie, this time with me and daddy. The movie was “Smurfs: the lost village”.

You were so sad, towards the end of the movie, when Smurfs thought that Smurfette was dead, and you had teary eyes, but then it appeared that she was actually ok, and you started laughing. You were so happy.

It seems that your plan for the future is to go find Sphinx’s nose with your daddy!!!

Viona,your friend was here this morning.

Today was President’s day, and preschools were closed. But Viona’s parents had to go to work. Shima dropped Viona at our place at 8:30, and her dad picked her up at 1:30. This was the first time that one of your friends was here without her parents.

Love you so much.

We had it at “the little gym”  at Blossom Hill in San Jose.You already had a birthday in Iran in December. They celebrated your fourth birthday in Maman Fati’s place, and you got lots of gifts, including your favourite of that time: Gold!

Then you had a second party here, We invited 6 of your daycare friends, including Jesse,the 6-years old boy that you said you didn’t want to see ever again! But you ended up asking me to invite him. He was the only one who didn’t RSVP, and didn’t show up.

Other friends all came, and you had a wonderful time. You chose the “Blaze and the Monster Machines” theme.

You got lots of gifts, including a lego that you built yesterday.

God knows how much I love you.

Daddy loves to make you more active. You are not as active as your daddy likes.

Yesterday daddy took you for a walk around the house. You asked him to hold and carry you. He refused and said that you should walk to the lake yourself. He said that the lake is right there, in front of you. You said: but daddy, I can’t see the lake, could you please hold me up to see the lake. 😀 (you, our four years old child want to trick us to do what you want, and ..you are smart enough to do it).

Then again daddy refused to hold you. You told daddy that if he doesn’t hold you, you would fall asleep, because you are really tired, then you would fall in the lake, and the fish would eat you!!!

You sometimes make us laugh really hard.

You never went to preschool easily; you always cried in the morning.

Three weeks ago, crying became even worse, to a level that we decided to cancel your preschool.

We thought of three reasons: 1- you were really missing us, and didn’t feel comfortable on your own. 2- you were not comfortable around bigger boys, and 3- you could not keep pace with bigger kids to do school work, like tracing.

Your teachers said the reason is most likely the fact that you didn’t want to be disciplined.

Then I took you to your dance lesson, where you were the biggest kid, all students are girls, you follow dance moves really well, and I sit in the room next to your class.

First you were refusing to eat breakfast in the morning, hoping that we would stay at home. Then you started crying in the middle of the class. Your teacher wanted to send you out of the class, and I asked her to keep you there. You stayed there, but sat by the wall, and kept on crying for 20 minutes outloud.

At that point, I just realized that you just want to stay at home doing nothing, and that most likely you didn’t have any serious issues at preschool.

I asked for advise from three psychologists, one in the US (Patrice Wolters), one in Canada (Sara Dimmerman), and one in Iran (my mom’s close friend, also an experienced psychologist, Ezzat Simhai), and they all agreed that you are crying to get out of school.

So, I am now putting you back in school.

Your crying and begging to stay at home breaks my heart. I feel terrible and awful. But hey, you have been at this same school, with the same teachers and students for three months before we went on vacation, and after we came back, you started crying. So,  it really seems some sort of manipulation to stay at home.

And, you are nonetheless the most gorgeous and adorable girl I have ever seen. Everybody loves you, and your smart beautiful eyes.